I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
