Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
