Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
