I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
