He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it was like having sex with a tree stump
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize