Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
