I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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