I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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