I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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