just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Vodka?
Forever.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
