my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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