I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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