Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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