A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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