my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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