Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
