This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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