i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
