I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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