worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
