I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
