You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
