You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
