I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
