So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
