jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
