the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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