Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
