I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
