I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
