the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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