I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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