I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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