That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
