I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
