worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize