Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
COCAINE IS GR8
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
