U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize