The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
