I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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