Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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