Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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