dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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