There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I love having hate sex.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
