Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize