i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
