I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
