For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
