i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
