fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
