508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
