just come out here and I will go home with you...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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