thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
