I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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