he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
