whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
