he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
