dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
