he puts the penis in happiness.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
