I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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