Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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