Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
4 words: hood of his car
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
