Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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