happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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