don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
