i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
