All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
